There, But For the Grace of "God", Go I.

Saturday night, I had a rare chance to hang out with a few of the people I shared some of my most influential times with. First of all, I was right about Steve not liking any of my old friends. But their status or personalities have nothing to do with that. It was plain old jealousy. When my husband realized that one of the guys attending was the first boy I had ever fallen in love with? Eh, lets just say, he was less than enthusiastic. I am just glad he didn't figure it out till we left the party. Not that he would say anything, but lord knows, it would have been a fight. Every smile would have been measured, every look, hug, laugh would have been calculated as out of line and inappropriate.

It is not as if we were touchy feely all night. But we shared memories, and many laughs. It was something that I thought would never happen. This guy and I have a very painful event that we shared. I don't think you ever forget getting pregnant at 16 by your boyfriend who was 15, and the life changing effects of an abortion your mother forced upon you. It was a wretched, and ugly time in my life. Bailey was my first true love, and the father of that pregnancy. It must have happened the very first time we had sex. It irrevocably changed us.

We were too young to know how to deal with it emotionally, and not long after that we broke up. We remained sometimes friends through out high school. We had the same circle of friends some of the time as well. It has been since High school, that we have talked to each other. The last time being the day we got our GED's. He took the test the same day I did. Just a coincidence, but maybe not. A year after that, I invited Bailey and his family to a party to celebrate my first wedding. I still don't know why I did that.

But after all these years, we briefly spoke of the event that altered the course of our lives. It sealed a bit of the wound that had been left. We both acknowledged that we thought we would have kids by now, and that maybe that chance all those years ago, would have been our only one. I was shocked to hear that from him. I had to confess I felt exactly the same way. I told him it sucked, and it was hard, but I am the way I am today, in part, because of that event. I am okay with it. He gave me a huge hug, and just like that I felt a bit lighter. I think maybe I needed him to know, I wasn't angry. Maybe he needed to know too.

The rest of the evening, we laughed at our own teenage antics, and parted with hugs all around. My husband stood off to the side, let me have my fun, and I made sure to show him that he was my one and only. however great it was to take a jog down memory lane, and do a little unexpected therapy, I have to recognise I am more than thankful for my life. I love my husband, and my family. We work hard, and have nice things. My old friends? Well they will be just fine. But I can't help but say to my self, "There, but for the grace of "god", go I. I could be a recovering addict, or alcoholic, or be in an abusive marriage, or lost in the world. I didn't go down that path, but is was right there in front of me. I have a feeling I was closer to going down the wrong path than I can imagine.